Zero Sum
by VampedVixen
Summary: Richard doesn't want to leave Valencia just yet.


"Now that Galavant has gotten you out of your brother's clutches, ousted Madalena from the throne, saved you from a ravaging hoard of pirates and managed to get you back to the mainland once the coast was clear, you and Gareth must pack up shop and get out of our kingdom," the small, ethnically hard to pin down one announced to King Richard as they stood in the main hall. "Leave Valencia now or so help me..."

It had taken Richard and Galavant several days to travel back to Valencia once receiving word from Gareth that it was safe to return. It had been a lovely little jaunt back, full of singing and dancing and adventures on the high seas, like some kind of marvelous buddy fable- except for the pirates who turned out to be a tad bit nastier than expected. It was good to be back finally, but he would trade all the gold in all his kingdom if he could just get this short girl to stop with the jabbering.

She did have a point though- the old Richard would have just threatened to execute them all mercilessly, but now watching her standing beside Galavant even he had to admit it would be cruel not to repay their kindness. After all, they had gotten him back home to Gareth and they were all alive and no one had to fight anyone to the death anymore and the woman who had caused him so much pain was gone forever- a happy ending all around. He would feel terrible for hours, possibly even days, if he hanged them all now.

Oh, he hated this new conscious that was settling in him.

"I'll give you half of Valencia back." Richard stood proudly, not wanting to give in too easily. That should be good enough for the likes of them, after all anything more would just be greedy on their part. Nevertheless, Galavant glared at him until Richard threw his hands in the air in surrender. "Okay, okay, three-fourths. That's my final offer. You can keep the monastery, the farmer's market and the western fields. I'll just keep the castle. One little castle, surely you can live without that."

"No deals, Richard." Galavant spoke, his voice deep and demanding. Of course he was backing up his lady love, he was going to be prince of this entire land once they married. Well, bloody good for him but couldn't they just be happy with getting a portion of their land back? Richard resisted a sneer that was spreading across his face. Galavant always seemed to come out on top. "Return to your kingdom and leave Valencia forever. Or should I bring up the incident that you told me never to speak of-"

"No!" Richard gasped as his eyes widened, but Galavant just grinned smugly. He wouldn't dare. He'd promised. What happens in buddy fables stays in buddy fables. Richard glanced back to Gareth, hoping the bigger man would come to his defense, though he seemed content to be leaving this place behind too. Was no one going to back him up on his claim to keep what he had so rightfully stolen?

Richard frowned. "I'll rock-paper-scissors you for it!"

Galavant stepped forward, holding his hand in a fist. Richard stepped backwards, hoping not to get hit in his pretty fragile face- but then Galavant laughed as he shook his fist in the air. "Alright. Rock, paper, scissors- shoot!"

Richard reached out his hand at the same time as Galavant. Rock. He was always rock. Rocks were hard and strong and good for throwing at peasants- unfortunately, they didn't compare to Galavant's paper. Beaten again by this man. Even if Galavant had saved his life on a few occasions, Richard still wondered how hard it would be to rid him from this earth. There had to be a way for him and his new found conscious to agree on some sort of end for Galavant. It would simply be a mercy killing, that's all.

"Paper covers rock!" Isabella smiled.

"No, no, wait, I wasn't ready," Richard pouted like a child. His pout soon turned into a hopeful grin as he balled his hand into a fist again. He cocked his eyebrow at them, motioning for them to try again.

"Best two out of three?"

"Come on, sir. Time to get back on the road." He felt Gareth pull him away from the Valencian nobles by his collar and start leading him away before Richard embarrassed himself any further. Isabella smiled as she held onto her Galavant and they watched Richard leave, all so content with their perfect happy shining lives.

"No fair! You cheated. You always cheat!" Richard called back at them all as he stomped out of the throne room. Gareth never let go of him as they made their way towards the main doors of the castle, knowing full well that the king couldn't be trusted to his own devices. "It's just not fair, Gareth. No one ever plays fair."

.End.


End file.
